Saturday, October 24, 2009


I just talked to my Mother asking if I could bring my boyfriend home for the holidays. I said that we would abide by any rules that they set aside. I expected them to say no, but i just had a glimmer of home that they might say yes. But everything is as it is expected. My beautiful boy will not be coming home with me to Chicago.
Maybe I'm hoping too much, but I just wish that my parents could just be happy for me rather than demean the relationship and try to see only what they want to see. My parents don't ever talk about this and they expect that by ignoring it, it will somehow disappear.
I feel that how the Mormon Church tells my parents to treat me is selfish and completely absurd. The church boasts itself on how to build up families and how it makes families stronger. But its teachings have only made my family pit against each other. I wish I could talk to my parents about my experiences, my relationships, but I can't. My family is weaker because of the church. It degrades the family by telling my parents that they can't accept people for who they are, but rather only if they uphold certain standards. I degrades the family by saying that we must cut out anything 'unholy' rather than being accepting of all. Isn't that what God is about? Jesus didn't only see those who were holy, but rather those who were thought as 'sinners.' I see a lot of hypocrisy in the church. And I have seen it destroy other families. They teach you to be afraid and not do anything against the church. I have seen this fear instilled in my brother after he went through a disciplinary council. He said that he could now see what people wouldn't do anything after going through such a horrible experience.
I'm sure that my parents hold to the hope that I will overcome my 'weakness' and come back to the 'light.' But their actions and those actions of the church that they profess drive me further and further away. I always had my doubts about the church and its beliefs, but they ruin even any good image (both religious and non-religious) that I ever held of them. I have no sympathy for the church in any regards.